Groucho Marx

My experience is that people are most likely to listen to reason when in bed.

Liner notes of An Evening With Groucho (1972) the recording of his appearance at Carnegie Hall. , 1972

I sent the club a wire stating, "PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT PEOPLE LIKE ME AS A MEMBER".

Telegram to the Friar's Club of Beverly Hills to which he belonged, as recounted in Groucho and Me (1959), p. 321 , 1959

I did a bond tour during the Second World War... We were raising money, and we played Boston and Philadelphia and most of the big cities. And we got to Minneapolis. There wasn't any big theater to play there, so we did our show in a railroad station. Then I told the audience that I knew a girl in Minneapolis. She was also known in St.Paul, she used to come over to visit me. She was known as "The Tail Of Two Cities." I didn't sell any more bonds, but eh... they didn't allow me to appear anymore.

Recounting a War Bonds tour in his Carnegie Hall appearance (6 May 1972) , 1972

They say Allen got something from the Marx Brothers. He got nothing. Maybe twenty years ago, he might have been inspired. Today he's an original. The best, the funniest.

On Woody Allen, in an interview with Roger Ebert in Esquire magazine (7 March 1972) , 1972

I got $25 from Reader's Digest last week for something I never said. I get credit all the time for things I never said. You know that line in You Bet Your Life? The guy says he has seventeen kids and I say: "I smoke a cigar, but I take it out of my mouth occasionally"? I never said that.

Interview with Roger Ebert in Esquire magazine (7 March 1972); see Snopes.com: "I Love My Cigar" , 1972