Claudius

Born Tiberius Claudius Drusus in Lugdunum, Gaul. First Roman emperor born outside Italy. He limps, stammers, and trembles. His own mother Antonia calls him "a monster of a man, not finished by Nature." His family hides him.

His nephew Caligula becomes emperor and makes Claudius his co-consul, mostly as a joke. The court humiliates him at banquets. He plays the fool. He studies Etruscan history, writes 20 volumes, and survives. Every other male in his family has been murdered by now.

Caligula is assassinated. The Praetorian Guard finds Claudius hiding behind a curtain in the palace. They declare him emperor. He's 50 years old. The Senate wants to restore the Republic. The Guard wants a paycheck. Claudius pays.

Invades Britain. Four legions cross the Channel. Claudius personally travels to watch elephants and siege engines breach the walls of Camulodunum. He stays 16 days. It takes Rome 350 years to leave.

His wife Messalina, while he's away, publicly marries another man in a bigamous ceremony. Claudius has her executed. He then marries his niece Agrippina the Younger, who convinces him to adopt her son Nero as his heir over his own biological son Britannicus.

Dies at 63 after eating mushrooms. Almost certainly poisoned by Agrippina. Nero becomes emperor the same day. Claudius built roads, aqueducts, and canals across the empire. Expanded the bureaucracy. Conquered Britain. The fool turned out to be competent. His reward was a plate of mushrooms.